Grandma just bought us a book on raising "tweens". I have read so many books that claim to turn your life around when it comes to parenting, but I seem to forget everything and revert back to the my old way (probably wrong). So here's some notes from this book that I can refer back to and others can scan to see if it might help them.
In the pre-teen years Parents must transition from authority to influence. Kids must move from obedience to responsibility. Submission to a principle over a person. They must learn to finish a task on their own without nagging. Repeating instructions and redrawing lines in the sand will not work. Constantly reminding robs child of motivation to follow through. Teach accountability. Repeating instructions is the most ineffective parenting method there is. Be like a meter maid, just issue the ticket, no yelling, no anger. By arguing and explaining what he did wrong, you are taking the monkey back onto your back. Leave it on his/hers.
Monkeys on your back and reflective sit time:
"Where are you going?" "Outside." "Did you clean your room like I asked?" "Did you pick up your Legos?" "Did you put the Wii away?" "Do you have shoes on?" "When will you be back?"
The monkey is on your back.
"Do you have the freedom to go out right now?"
This question, hopefully results in reflection on right and wrong and principles, as opposed to obedience. They should ponder what they did wrong and how they can make it right.
"Can I have some lemonade?"
"Do you have the freedom to have lemonade?"
"Please may I have some?" (For a tween they need a little time to process this, so instruct them to come back a little later and ask again".
to be continued...
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